AF Day 8 – Good Morning
I have lots of emotions today but it could be this morning’s coffee. The last three days have been an eating festival for one in my belly, sprinkled with a few wins and lows. Big plus I have been experimental cheffing with the extra bonus of it’s all healthy besides some cheap cheese. I searched for new recipes using a platform that I am trying to learn for social media for the cherry on top! Learning every day to make my new lifestyle fun and less a work learning curve.
The week overall has been easy to not drink however being alone is not good. I spent most of the last 3 days alone and all-day yesterday there was not one vocal exchange or interaction. I’m shy to reach out and COVID-time out has been extra tough with the number lockdown. I’m very thankful for the freedoms we do have on this side of the rock, other parts are not so lucky. Here I can go to the resort, dive (kind of), snorkel, teach, and hang out on one of the world’s most beautiful beaches. The problem is I’m not into doing this alone often so I just don’t do it. What a shame right? Keeping that in mind when I work with my coach on Thursday.
I should have gone through my birthday wishes, it’s been since May. I keep saving it for a sad day, this week had 2 pretty sad opportunities. Next time hopefully, I want to break that old emotional loop, yeah trigger talk. I should have done a long part of my to-do list, I should have reached out, I should blah blah blah.
Instead, I distracted myself with an online class for 6 hours and cheffing. I could feel this loneliness caress me from behind, exactly how I crave my partner too. It starts off with a good feeling like, Oh I can’t wait till it’s my turn, the first kiss, stealing glances, all that twitterpated stuff and then I think who could it be? My heart sinks, the problem with that is the rock only has so much to offer in partners. The odds are good but the goods are odd. This rock is a retirement haven or backpackers heaven, I just happen to be in-between. I really need to reshape this feeling about alone, especially in lockdown. This feeling started when I took this adventure 15 months ago. When I was offered the studio I had to think about the dating here. My best friend at the time and I discussed there would be a high chance I would be single If I decided to stay. Boom, look where I am, gotta shift this thought.
I enjoy being single but with no girl gang and COVID, I think that’s why the feelings are heightened. I’m tired of the internet and crave interaction with witty, fun banter. I tried online dating years five years ago from here but they all wanted me back in the states, which I clearly stated I wouldn’t in my bio. Maybe now with all this pandemic, people will be more open to it?
The other big win is I’m becoming clearer every day how I want to live my life. Being alone and sulking is not a good option, lessons learned too. My next few days are full of people, good times, and staying sober will only help me feel healthier. Hoping to buy my own dive gear this week, keep cultivating my inner circle of friends, and staying AF! I have access to a car, making money to buy groceries and ramping up my business steadily with great clients and monetary exchage.
Week 2 let’s get adventurous!