Living on the rock F this day. I say the f word a lot, it’s not cute.
It wasn’t a good day full of lessons learned. The rained happened all day, Mr. Hotel rescheduled for the 4th time in a month, my classes canceled and stuck in this house with no car. I wallowed alone for the 3rd day in a row, made some lists and cleaned the house. Workers came and gone, my dad is on the fence all of sudden and more rain. I asked the local fan fair about the local veggie truck since I can’t get to the grocery store for 10 days now and end up with this golden advice and pitiful behavior after. F this entire day.
Tonight’s advice straight from WhatsApp, a man who wants to play MDMA games however I continuously politely say no. I advised my fears as my mother is a drug addict and quitting alcohol. He went forward saying MDMA is not a drug so I added the company he keeps also pushes me away. Below his great advice with an apology for spelling later. He cares very deeply about spelling and makes no apology otherwise as he shouldn’t.
His advice ~ My friends are not going to change because f you or anyone else. I find the statement ironic since you spends much ti ewih xxxx. Which is my point if you want to survive on this island you have to compartmentalize. If you can do that ( and I understand that) then you will never live long here. The heard will bring you down. I spend time with people I hate You can say I am a hypocrite I prefer to just minimize the time and call it non judgement…. but they are just words. You will find yourself more and more isolated if you cannot breathe the the air of people that disgust you. Just advice with NO ONE in particular Drink the Kool aid or leave the island or believe me the island WILL eject you,
This is what it takes to live here or everywhere? He has been here for over 15 years and a staple on the rock, not a favorite but a staple no less. Maybe this is why I feel rejected often, I can’t conform with the heard. My head is spinning especially after being alone for 3 days. I reached out xxxx, I begged no questions just company and was met with hesitation, then rejection and then he begged. He is blocked and I can’t be desperate for his friendship anymore. I hope I can be vulnerable to someone who isn’t ill.
This picture is thunder showcasing the mainland that is about 30 miles away. It’s so beautiful and makes me feel even more alone. Better day tomorrow.