Well That’s Not Working

I need to journal, I want to journal every day to get to fulfill my sober curious desires. Instead, I am hiding in perfection. That is not what this is, will, or can be about. This blog is about showing up and being honest with myself with you and anyone that needs to hear these messages. It’s way more than alcohol I am working with here. It’s smoking flowers but cigarettes too, overeating, shopping when I shouldn’t be, now I can add in scrolling and picking at my face/body and I think I can even over organize. These are the things I have witnessed I overuse/abuse when I am not dealing with a nervous situation or feeling.

Cookies, I heart you, and can’t keep anything processed food sweet in the house.

Shopping, my god I miss you. The rock has limited options and my earnings are not allowing it for now. I am buying a car tomorrow, hells yeah.

Scrolling has been the latest bad habit to deepen my depression. I was able to stop the phone when I quit my corporate job, I worked for a cell phone company and always on my phone before it was cool. Since my work is now on social media that habit is all over me like syrup on a shag carpet. Wake up at 1 am, scroll, scroll. scroll till I never sleep again.

Organizing in someone else’s home is not the same, I pet/house sit in exchange for housing.

Smoking flower is something I am looking to let go and please no more cigarettes. Those little live suckers make me so hungover and I feel so naughty. Stupidity at its finest.

Then my sweet sassy Karen, she is always there. Funny is when I start with her all these other hurtful habits start to spike up, interfere. I forget to breathe, to meditate, I am too tired and worn out from going down the drain to walk in nature or yoga. One little step on top of the other builds that foundation or takes away.

These habits may have served me at one point and time, however not any longer. I have a lost blog when this all came to a tizzy to my pause. This took over a course of a few days, then a pause, recollect, talk with my inner circle and boss babe. First off, I’m gonna cry about it and then handle it like a boss.

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