This little sentence is tripping me up. I want perfection, I am tired of saying AF Day 1 so I make excuses and it’s not working. Maybe I’m not ready to be AF but today I give zero f’s because it’s about that time. Start my theme song!
The past few days I wanted to post every day, I wanted to talk to Mr.JS, yoga, dive, and a few other things. I kept putting it off for this reason and this reason, not perfect bail. I set this up to be anonymous so I would be wild “Sex In the City” honest and instead, I haven’t been posting. I need the perfect picture, my writing doesn’t feel strong or I don’t want people to know, is this true to only me or etc…. I am neither that exciting nor able to be perfect like the SITC ladies however that is not what this is about. This is about going through, continuing forward, and the adventurous along the way. Are you ready too?
I encourage people every day to show up in their daily practices and here I am not showing up in mine at the moment. SMH and a little bit of laughing. Wow, see how mean that sentence is, jeez. I have been making steps forward every day, even on those days with Karen. Some times I am my best and worst student, fun fact about being a teacher you’re a forever student. I was sad that I’m not doing my self-care like flossing every day. Flossing is important for your health and longevity so here I am not flossing. Do I want to become sick early and die? Really? Stop worrying, show up, and floss. This is how sick I can be if I let myself go down the drain with alcohol and not tending to my self-care. I was picking on myself for not flossing, seeing how crippling something so minor and simple can be, this is scary a little. Flossing is pretty awesome by the way friends. Tooth and nerve I recommend daily.
Anyhow, yesterday it started. Not perfection, showing up, and being present. I have so many great things moving around and waiting for my actual car, beep-beep that is a game-changer. I should know Sunday what school I will be attending and with Karen I am going to be curious in September. Curious and approach more like an experiment, see how many days I can be AF and when I partake reflect why. Instead of beating myself up because I had one? I’ve been able to walk away before many times so it’s confusing, maybe COVID has me in a tizzy and this was a terrible timing or maybe this is exactly what I needed to finally say goodbye to Karen once and for all? All hands are on deck, adventure awaits!